Saturday, July 28, 2007

There's a perfectly lame explanation for the dearth of posts, I swear.

All week I've been stressed. My work projects are in limbo and each hour that ticks by in which I don't move forward seems like an eternity I'll have to work off in Last Minute Purgatory. I can forget about it sometimes but big projects, like big life changes and big decisions are meant to be tackled head on and early, while I still have the energy. I may have awakened before 6am to get my hair done the day of my wedding, but I was walking down the aisle at 10 o'clock. Action saves me every time. But there is no action. Or there is partial action, and I get more pent up. Oh, and I bore Bee by complaining about it. I hate to bother her, but I hate to bore you with it too.

Then there's the small matter of Hubster being busy again, being gone when I want to sit and talk or not talk or just be in the same room with him. I rely on him so much, maybe too much, for the support and interaction and affection I crave everyday. I miss him. I miss being us all the time, with nothing on our slates, just a little guilt for being that fortunate.

I've also been busy with social engagements. Which sounds depressingly weird to announce.

Tuesday night was dinner in Annapolis with former Grovers. We ate sushi at Nano downtown. I enjoyed my Kama Kazi ("Spicy tuna, avocado, crunchy flake and eel with eel sauce on the outside" - YUM!) and the conversation. I felt a bit awkward since the rest of the group knew each other and hung out frequently, but even when we moved on to gelato and added a local boyfriend and the conversation touched on people and places I didn't know, it was nice to connect. It was nice to know they all went on, got lives, still thought I was worth dinner and a little Italian dessert.

Wednesday night was Chicken and Beer night with new friends from church. We had 25-cent wings and cheap drafts at a local wings place. I don't know the couple well, but I was there, eating and talking with their friends and coworkers. We ended up getting supplies at the grocery store and sharing root beer floats for dessert at our place. It was spur of the moment, but that made it more fun. I haven't done spur-of-the-moment like that in while. It's a step.

Later that night, I picked up my in-laws at the airport from their vacation. We had to skip family vacation this year, what with plans for trips, costs of trips, and Hubster's general off-the-hook busy-ness. I felt sad hearing the stories and knowing we weren't in them, weren't there to share the experiences that formed them. But as they talked with me for the next couple of days, I again appreciated having family. Hubster may not be there to referee every interaction, but that makes our relationship more genuine. We get to be family too.

Frankly, I'm just grateful I can have such friends and family. Each time life gets busy and my support structure seems shaky, I lament my lack of local friends.
"They're all an hour away! We're too busy to get across the distance."
"I don't have 'coffee friends,'I have 'clear your slate we'll do a weekend in eight months friends!'"
"Why did I not introduce myself to that person at church? It's my own fault I'm so lonely."
"My job is making me a hermit!"
"If I had a car, I'd have friends."
The excuses change, but the frustration and discouragement don't really budge.

And then I have a week like this. I haven't even mentioned the card I got from a dear friend who just shot to the top of my dearest list because she wrote such nice things to me. I got it after a wretched day, and I was just walking on a cloud afterward.

I haven't shown you the image I took today of my bed at Casa Pierce&Wife which contained a loofah, some chocolates, and a body wash for me to enjoy. Before I came, they said they'd pamper me, but I was content with their company. I never expected scented bath products and that bottle of great wine they splurged on to share.

Maybe my real problem is that it's feast or famine for me. I've feasted all week, and it's all so good, but I go from rich fare to bare tables. I wouldn't trade the delicacies for steady bread and water, but I sure would like a meal or two in between.

I haven't shared much with you all week because I've been trying to soak all I can. Sometimes I wonder where my next meal is going to come from.


Mair said...

it was nice to talk to you yesterday. i hope you have a nice week this week.

mumsie said...

I hear your angst and yet see how you are really getting a life. Just rejoice in the way it develops and reach out there. You have soooooo much to offer. I wish my house was in closer junkets would be fun.

Louisa said...

hey girl, I hear ya... my parents just flew out for the weekend, and it was SO NICE to get to spend time with them. ironically, it seems harder, at least for me, to really meet people in a city than in a little town. *sigh* so, I'm just enjoying the weekend, and am so happy for cell phones. but these sporadic and all-to-infrequent reconnectings with people are difficult at time. hope you find people to be with this week!

Anonymous said...

I thought dinner was soo much fun and I am very serious about having several repeat events! Hope to see you soon --Kat