Thursday, September 01, 2005

Inner Child? I'm always like this!

Because I had such a rough time night before last, I took a "Mental Health Day," yesterday, and I used up some comp time I had from conferences. Something like once a year growing up, Mom would announce a day in which we were too healthy to go to school, to parody a parody, and so we spent the day playing and reveling in our truancy. It was every bit as enjoyable yesterday as it was back then, and let me tell you friends, there are not many things from childhood of which that can be said. I mean, I liked playing with Barbies as much as the next girl-who-bowed-to-patriarchal-pressure, but I'm not lining up at KB Toys for their latest incarnation. (No offense to Barbie-doll collectors. Or kids.) Anyhow, after a leisurely breakfast, some yerba mate, a little read, and some surfing of the web, I was most happy. Time well spent. Plus I had a feeling that I wasn't going to be able to keep that comp time after the year was up, so I might was well burn it now, baby!

ATTENTION: DID YOU SEE THE DATE ABOVE THIS POST - that's right, Smarty McGeniuspants, it's September, the month in which my birthday is celebrated. I've been on pins and needles about just WHAT the ole Hubster was going to get me since Saturday. We were on our way out the door and I decided to check the mail. We had a package, so I was geeked. "Let's open it right now!" I implored as we continued our trek toward Hermano (our vehicle's name, it's an Arrested Development reference). K was reticent, saying we would have to "leave it in the car and that would be bad, and why don't I just take it in the house now?" I am undeterred, after all it is one of my Life Principles to open all packages ASAP, I'LL USE MY TEETH IF I HAVE TO! He remains firm and begins walking with it back to the apartment. I become rude and combative, declaring that he is no fun and WAAAA! He returns, buckles up and starts the vehicle. I am obstinate, asking him why he could ignore my express wish when the package is small and could be stowed out of sight and WHY ARE YOU SUCH A MEANY?!? (Pause, sigh of resignation) He says, "It's for your birthday and I wanted to surprise you. You can't open it."

At this point I am befuddled. "Well then why didn't you just chant loudly and repeatedly, 'It's something for your birthday and you can't open it!' You're supposed to tease me relentlessly the moment it arrives. Heck, you've already forfeited the time since you ordered it, what are you waiting for, man?"

The befuddled look on his face alerts me that this is one of those He Was Raised in the Wrong Family things. Don't get me wrong, his family is fantastic, but they don't do things like my family so their customs are wrong, just all wrong. I mean, isn't taunting people about birthday gifts the only way to demonstrate that you deeply love them and are looking ahead to their enjoyment of your thoughtful gift, while simultaneously squeezing some joy out of your expense by torturing them until it's theirs to keep? This is self-evident, friends. Yet K was raised in a family that believes in the Total Surprise. According to the rule of the Total Surprise Birthday, his screen should now be flashing GAME OVER. Silly Hubster - birthdays are for taunting!


Moi said...

You should have a birthday party.

Mair said...

Just another thing to drive you crazy...I bought your birthday card in JANUARY! It's THAT great!