Monday, December 12, 2005

A Weekend in Four Acts

Act 1:
Scene 1: Opens as we find our heros having purchased a new home. They are thrilled and excited as they gaze at it on Friday evening.

Erica: What delight we shall have in making this new home our own. I do hope we can begin our work quickly for I am anxious to witness its transformation.
Hubster: Indeed, it shall be magnificent - a true testament to our skill and teamwork! Let us away to the Depot for Homes.

Scene 2: Opens with our heros having returned from the Home Depot possessing many new tools and an appetite to refinish their kitchen cabinets on a Saturday morning.

Erica: I am so pleased by the lovely setting here. It will be perfect for us. I must document its beauty for posterity.

Act 2:
Scene 1: Opens after several hours of work on Saturday. Our heros lay down their cabinet drawers.

Hubster: Our labors have been long and arduous, but the husbandry of the cabinet-makers remains barely scathed. This work shall end our marriage if you do not change your mind, Dearest Wife, about the need for this project or if we do not jointly find a better solution than SANDING THE EVER-LOVING STUFFING OUT OF IT.
Erica: (Aside) I am a-feared that I would not mind seeing him go. "Vexed" understates the severity of the situation. (To Hubster) I shall call my mother and discuss our problem with her. Perhaps she shall have a solution for us. (Exits in huff)

Scene 2: Opens minutes later, as Erica enters the room in which Hubster is still busily sanding drawers.

Erica: My mother says that there is a product available, used to good effect by a friend, that removes all trace of stain and varnish from cabinetry. Perhaps we should look into it before finalizing the divorce.
Hubster: I am not sure I can trust your advice, but I shall investigate it further. I give my solemn vow not to sign the paperwork unless my search proves fruitless.
Erica: Let us away to eat dinner with our friend in Georgetown for the evening as we promised him many days ago. We will begin again tomorrow.

Act 3:
Scene 1: Opens with our heroine busily painting what will become her boudoir, or both of theirs if they reconcile. It is Sunday afternoon.

Erica: If I cannot help my husband in the kitchen, I shall begin another project. (works silently for a few moments) Lo, I had forgotten how hard the work of painting can be. At least the color of this room shall be lovely once I finish.

Scene 2: Opens with our hero busily applying the famed solvent which was acquired at Home Depot, along with many safety tools for its application and disposal.

Hubster: This project is still long and painful. I may forgive my refinish-obsessed wife if we can do the doors over time, but it is still doubtful. I believe I shall wait to call the lawyer just the same.

Scene 3: Opens again in the master boudoir. Erica is busily working as she has been for a few hours. It is late Sunday evening.

Erica: If I am to continue at this pace, I shall require sustenance. (yelling to Hubster downstairs) Should we break this long fast with some food for McDonalds?
Hubster: (Replies, offstage) Indeed, I could eat an oliphant entire. I shall away and bring it to you. Continue the work of painting until I return.

Act 4:
Scene 1: Our heros eat together on the floor of the master boudoir.

Erica: I am sorry that my project has become a heavy burden to you. It was never my intent to work you to the bone, My Love.
Hubster: I understand. I wish we could have known the travail this cabinetry would cost us. I believe it may be cursed by its crafter not to yield up its finish until Doomsday.
Erica: If we work together and perform the work in stages, perhaps we can live in harmony. Would you be amenable to such a course?
Hubster: Yes, I suppose. And at least the boudoir looks lovely.
Erica: (with her mouth full of cheeseburger) Indeed. Please pass me a fry, Darling.



Plankiest said...

Yay! I love the house!(Well, the front of it, and the kitchen floor and m.b. walls.) Very lovely shade of green! It is a most soothing color in the evil yuck known as morning.

lvs said...

I'm so glad you posted pictures, as well as that glorious piece of drama between you and the K-man. I'm jealous. I WANNA HOUSE.

Yax said...

This whole post was brilliant, and then it went to a whole new level with the line "Indeed, I could eat an oliphant entire." Cracked me up.