Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Pro and COME ON!! - This Past Weekend

It's been a roller coaster of emotions recently. I was originally going to write a straight post, but it was too hard to portray accurately without some sort of numbering system. I decided to bring back the Pro and COME ON(TM) featurette. I'm changing it up to flow a little better, though:

1. The conference in Ole Miss was much smaller than anticipated. Like 5-10 times smaller. Because we were banking on more wallets in attendance, it was basically a waste of company money to send two people there. Oh, oh, and someone bashed in the lock to our rental 2006 Nissan Pathfinder while we slept in our hotel the first night. They didn't get in, but they sure pissed us off. The police officer who took the case report from me was a total Southern sweetheart, though, and he even uttered the words "how'd you get all the way down here?" upon reading my license. Pogo stick, of course! (-5 for the size, -5 for attempted larceny, +1 for adorable Southerners = -9)

2. After setting up our many books, I got a call from Jefe who had some problems at his convention, some of which were my fault, some of which arose because that particular convention was "interesting." #&%@^&$% That made me feel great and not-at-all powerless or five states away or anything! (+3 for setup all by myself, -4 for mistakes = -1)

3. As we languished in the booth for hour after frustrating hour, Bee and I took comfort in our awesome booth neighbors. The ladies next door were starting out just like our company not long ago. They were a lot of fun, really interesting, and as pissed off as we were with the convention turn out. Plus, they were sassy about it. I HEART THEM! Next door to them was a guy whose sister I knew at GCC (though not well), but he was really nice, too. We talked about Pittsburgh, college, and marriage since he got married six months ago to his college sweetheart - aw! (+5 for good company)

4. We also went to a Lonestar Steakhouse. When we tried ordering one appetizer, they said they were out so instead we got the "Texas Cheese Fries" pictured below because, as I realized then, fries aren't unhealthy enough.

Bee demonstrates the proper way to consume the fries, laden in cheese, sprinkled liberally with bacon and ripe for dipping in a zesty ranch sauce. (+2 for good food, -1 for futurearterial sclerosis = 1)

5. On the way back to our room, we stopped to thank the front desk attendant for the directions she gave us to get there. We made the mistake of striking up a genuine conversation. Our buzz quickly dissipated as the answer to our question of why downtown Jackson became so unsafe came back with a firm and unapologetic "It's those damn n*****s." This woman, who had seemed so sweet when we asked her help, proceeded to unleash her vitriol against the entire African-American population of the area. She used that slur repeatedly and each time it got harder and harder not to shake or scream or grimace or SOMETHING. I figured that somewhere there must be people who still clung to blatantly racist views, but I just could not believe what my ears heard and my stomach digested with increasing nausea. It made me even more upset that she had no trouble saying this to us because, after all, we're white too. I wanted to cry, but instead we dropped the conversation as soon as we could. Upstairs we talked long into the night, too wound up by her invective to sleep. (-4 for the destruction of my faith in humanity, -1 for loss of sleep, +2 for solving the world's problems in conversations with Bee = -3)

6. We found a moth on the ground near our hotel one night and wanted to help it fly but weren't sure whether touching its wings would leave it flightless for good or not. See:

It was lovely. And sad. (+1 for a pretty sight, -1 for bad hands-on science knowledge = 0)

7. I made it home without a problem. In the airport, some nice guy who works for Mission Foods gave me coupons for free tortillas. SCORE! That night one of the cats managed to flush a toilet, which action woke me up as I was falling asleep assuring that I thought a midnight thief had decided to take a leak in my bathroom. I, of course, was lying under the covers in PJ's and did not want to make my presence known to said thief so, though I finally drifted off to sleep, I was TERRIFIED and slept poorly. I hope my stupid cats got a laugh out of that. (+1 for free food, -2 for future hypertension.

The reckoning: (-8) + (-1) + (5) + (1) + (-3) + (0) + (-1) = -7

It's official - my weekend sucked! Tune in next week as I rate my next convention in North Carolina. Let's hope for an experience ranging in the positive numbers, shall we?


Bee said...

Ok, the weekend did suck, but... I feel like the picture of me with the fries is worth AT LEAST another +2.

lvs said...

WHERE in NC? WHERE, pray tell?

Mair said...

I love the pros and come on! This one was particularly delightful (even if your weekend sucked). I can't believe your cat flushed the toilet. That's hilariously wonderful - though if I had been the one cowared under the blankets, I wouldn't find it funny. The other night I woke up and heard water running in my apartment. Considering that J. Morgan was sawing logs next to me, I knew it wasn't him. I laid there in terror until I couldn't stay awake any longer. Still don't know why the water was running....

Anyway, I would steal your pros and come on feature, but I'm not as cleverly articulate as you, and I have an objection to copy-cats. Love you!!! :o)

E.A.P said...

bee - Oh, yes. The picture of you with the fries is worth a few points. Now I've thrown off my entire scale. I can't even evaluate this weekend without hating it.

lvs - I'm in Winston-Salem. I believe it's a bit far from you, something like two hours. I'll be here until Sunday morning, though, in case you get any crazy ideas! I'll also be at the Outer Banks this July. Maybe I can trot over to you for a day or so on my way down with Hubster. I miss you!

mair - call it something else, if you like, but I stole the idea from Fametracker anyway, so feel free. Rename it and no one will notice. And if they notice, they'll be too dazzled by your wit to care. Seriously. Oh, and the cat thing is pretty funny, but only in retrospect.

kokanut said...

Cats flushing toilets always leads to trouble. Prime example = Meet the Parents.

Sorry your weekend stunk, but this was incredibly enjoyable.

P.S. Thanks for the advice. I've actually been feel A TON better since I've discovered why I've been in such a long term funk.

RedHurt said...

Hey, I'm trying to include you and/or (or?) your husband in a summer travel trip plan. Check your gmail, if you haven't, or stop ignoring me (!!), if you have.

Plankiest said...

You totally should've thrown some peanuts on those fries to make them complete.

Also, YAY! for being in a weekend (right now) that will definitely not end up on the negative side of the scale!

Mair said...

I sent you an email today. I don't know why I feel like I have to tell you that on here, but I do! répondez s'il vous plaît. :o)

CharlesPeirce said...

Hilarious post, +7, so at 0, weekend is a wash?