This Post is Rated PG-13

Translation: Pathetically Girly for people with fewer than 13 current fashion trends on their minds right this second.

Yesterday I got fed up. I was reading way too much Wednesday Advice Smackdown archives, and I decided to overhaul NOW. For those of you unfamiliar with Amalah, she's a DC-area blogger who is hilarious, profane, fashion-makeup-hair-oriented, and I hope I run into her in DC and she will not think me a dork. Anyway, she started an advice column which was supposed to be fake and then it turned real and then everyone dubbed her a Hair Guru and even I am thinking about sending her a question about my stupid, stupid scalp.

She recommended this soap and toner by Burt's Bees for oily and "troubled skin" (love those euphemisms!), so I looked up the nearest retail outlet and wanted to GO GO NOW. But I had to work, so I did, but then I read more as soon as work was done. And then my husband came home late, and I was too busy reading Smackdowns to notice, so I missed the Thursday dinner-cooking window. This marks the first time I have been saved by frozen pizza - usually we eat it intentionally because we are NUTRITIONAL NE'ER-DO-WELLS. Then it was time for choir. Boohoo, no shopping yet! I sat through most of choir, but then they got to the part where they practiced lots of pieces for Christmas Eve, and I already knew I was going to miss it and "Can I go now?" YES! SHOPPING! WEEE!

I zipped to BeautyFirst because that place is like CRACK for me and I needed a hit REAL BAD. Plus, they had Burt's Bees Garden Tomato Complexion Soap and Toner, and if Amalah says it'll work, then why shouldn't I give it a whirl? FYI, I used it last night and it smells like good Italian cooking. Perhaps instead of consulting her about my scalp I should write in two weeks about my constant cravings and the 50lbs of weight I gained.

After dropping only $18 for that stuff, I zipped over to Target. I had to return some stuff and buy some plain, brown dye because I was in Severe Highlight Burnout after one entire year (almost to the day) of doing it. Vogue or somebody said single-color hair is all over celebrity heads, and I will totally jump on trends that are easier than other trends like annoying, time-consuming highlights, even though I still love highlights deep down. Whatever, VIVE LE SINGLE-PROCESS! And then I came home and dyed my head and I love it.

So that was my night of frivolous frivolity. I hope I do not regret getting the Burt's Bees stuff. I hope it's the answer to my "troubled skin" woes. I have tried nice skincare products (I'm looking at you, Mom and MK) and cheap products (stupid Knock-off Medical Acne-Free because you gave me chemical burns!) and I am not willing to shell out for a dermatologist yet. I have pretty hair and a good husband and yummy food (tortellini tonight - AND SO IT BEGINS!) and I just want to set aside this madness for some contentment. You know, after I get what I want.