Malaise of the Moment

I'm having a Day of Professional Inadequacy. It's not serious - my eyes are dry and my heartrate is normal while my mood is only dusky, not dark, but I still feel like I can't do what needs to be done. That never seems to inspire the warm fuzzies per se. I have this big project to do for work (probably 1500-page big by the end) and I'm overwhelmed. I don't yet have everything I need to do the one portion I'm supposed to start on ANYWAY, but I'm already feeling the bottom of the pool slip beneath my toes. Will I be able to stay afloat when this project is in full swing and I still have all my other job responsibilities? Will I be any more motivated when I have all the pieces and I can work without having to deal with changing input?

Now part of this is that I hate being flexible with big projects. I currently have about 50 pages of text and images. I have some of the images in rough form, some in final form, and some not at all. While the lazy part of me doesn't want to start at all, the gung-ho-work-ethic part of me wants the finals stuff, right now, let's get a move on so I can have this stupid monkey off my back. Neither part is terribly happy with the current compromise.

So I guess today is not a good day to ask me how working from home has panned out. Most days I enjoy it. I might add that it's been feeling more comfortable than ever as of late. The days pass much more quickly than they did when I began doing this a year ago, and I feel more productive and valuable to the company by the day. But not today.

I had a brief discussion about this with our realtor while we were driving around on Sunday. Working from home means you create your own schedule; you have fewer social distractions; and if you get in the groove, you can stay there as long as its working for you. Unfortunately, there's flip-sides to all those grand ideas: you have to have unbelievable amounts of discipline to avoid TV, the internet, playing with your cat, snacking, taking care of chores so you can relax in the evening, and going outside when its nice (which HELLO, who knew 82º could feel so cool and comfortable - I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE STAT). It's nice not to have interpersonal conflicts to sort out every day, but sometimes it just means missing out on fun and free birthday cake. Like anything else, then, there's pros and cons, but with all the pressure of the Beast1500, I'm not gazing at the sunny side of the street on this Tuesday afternoon.

If I were to take a gander at the aforementioned "sunny side," I'd say that Beast1500 is a great nickname for my burden du jour. Surviving is all about the silver lining, my friends.