Alternatives to "Opening a Can o' Whupass" for the Less Confrontationally Inclined.
"Unsnapping a Purse o' Politeness"? Been there! "Lightly Greasing a Ramekin o' Retreat"? mmmm-hmmm. "Unpacking a Portmanteau o' Panic"? I'm doing that right now; my abs are frozen from laughing so hard. Yes, this list may be a one-trick pony, but it's a cleverer trick than you can do!
Socially awkward geniuses writing for Mcsweeney's: GIVE ME MORE!!
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