Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Wretchedness: Exhibit A

I came home yesterday from errand running with K and left my purse on the kitchen table. I picked it up this morning and glanced at my cell phone to see the dreaded words "Message" on the front screen. I hate when I miss calls because people know I only have a cell and that means they expect me to answer the phone - and I should! Anyhow, it was a dear, dear friend who really needed to talk to me last night and I didn't respond till this morning when she's probably busy. Honestly there are times when I wonder how my friends still put up with me. I'm terrible about getting back to people. Another friend called me . . . last week? the week before? She was asking my advice on something trivial, but definitely up my alley and I never responded. What is my problem?

I know this all sounds melodramatic, but if I were my friends, I bet I would be nodding my head in agreement with this assessment because this has to have crossed their minds before. Maybe it's because I never really kept up with family and I come from a "no news is good news" sort of background on both sides. In contrast, K's fam does at least weekly emails while mine talks infrequently at best. Sure, it's partially because of my dad's family being so spread out and unable to talk long distance from 10,000 miles away (literally), but does that mean I have to succomb to this model when I have completely different circumstances? I haven't been on IM for weeks. I seldom return emails. It's a miracle I can manage to keep up on people's blogs. Where is my discipline?!?!

To all my friends, everywhere: I love you. I really do. I'm sorry that I never get back with you, but it doesn't mean I don't want to - I just lose my discipline or my nerve and end up spending time on other things. I'm sorry, but it's most definitely not you wonderful folk. It's me.

3 comments:

Mair said...

Oh, Darling. I can probably one-up you, here. How's this for wretched??? Sometimes, I don't answer my phone ON PURPOSE because I don't have time/don't feel like talking to people. That is bad. I mean, I could at least answer, talk for five minutes, then say I gotta go. Right? Yeah. Well, we are all adults now and understand that life is about more than endless IM chat sessions. Your wretchedness is shared by many. Good intentions abound...actually putting pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, ear to tele is much more difficult than it used to be. So, cheer up, Charlie...we all still love you (at least I do! and that's all that matter. :o) )

E.A.P said...

Thanks for the affirmation! I know several of my friends struggle with this, too, I guess. So long as our guilt makes us at least make an effort, then it might be constructive in some way.

And you still loving me is, indeed, all that matters. :o)

sbp said...

I have to gear up my courage to answer my phone when it's someone I really love. I don't feel like I have the energy to devote to a real conversation; I don't want it to leak out that sometimes I'm miserable and lonely (after all, I must above all things be happy and successful); I have other things like laundry and groceries and making ends meet on my mind; the list goes on.

Which doesn't mean I don't love my friends. I miss them (you) a lot, and wish it were as easy as it was in college, to throw on a pair of slippers and come a-knockin'.

Ah well...at least there are comments on blogger. :)